Run & Chase Cycle
In honor of Valentine's Day I will share some thoughts that stemmed from one of my favorite romantic comedies, “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” If you haven’t seen the movie, go and watch it!
Here’s a little backstory if it’s been a while. The main character, Julianne learns that her best friend Michael is getting married so she tries to sabotage the wedding. After several failed attempts, Julianne confesses her love and begs, “Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy,” and kisses Michael. The fiancé, Kimmy, of course enters at this exact moment and runs. That’s when a crazy chase begins! Julianne calls her good friend George to ask for advice and here’s some of their dialogue…
Juliane: “ I have stolen a bread van and I’m chasing Michael down Michigan Avenue.”
George: “Michael’s chasing Kimmy and you’re chasing Michael. Who’s chasing you? Nobody! Get it? There’s your answer…you have a small but distinct window of opportunity to do the right thing.”
I LOVE this scene because it’s hilarious but I also think we can learn a lesson from George! In this month of love consider the people in your life, and they don’t have to be romantic, that you might be chasing because you don’t want to face reality. Relationships naturally transform over time. Maybe your friend, child or spouse isn’t responding or acting in a way that you’ve been used to or want. You may be tempted to fight against the changes and act from a place of desperation. In the movie, Julianne found herself, lying and stealing all in the name of love! Her example is extreme but think about how you might respond. Do you ever pout, complain, or act desperate to hold onto what was? These behaviors usually drive away the people we love which creates a vicious run and chase cycle.
So take a deep breath and allow yourself to see the truth of what’s going on. Stop chasing and wishing they would change. Accept what is. You both get to choose how to live and love. Adapt and realize that your relationship can look different than it once was and that’s ok. Like George said, “You have a window of opportunity to do the right thing.” When relationships change, I believe the “right” thing to do is face reality and create your new normal. Sometimes, love means letting go of how things used to be.