Mirroring & Modeling
I’d like to share a tool that I have been thinking about for a while that you could experiment with! It’s called Mirroring & Modeling. I put this together with several thoughts and teachings I gathered recently. Let’s break it down.
What is mirroring?
Mirroring is when you are doing the same behaviors as another person. Literally like a mirror. For example:
Child is yelling at you—you yell back.
Spouse gives you the silent treatment—you give the silent treatment back.
Neighbor frowns at you—you frown back.
Now, let’s say you STOP and realize you’re mirroring some undesirable behaviors. Deep down you don’t want to yell, give the silent treatment or frown because they never seem to work out very well! So you consider other behaviors you’d like to model instead and experiment.
What is modeling?
Modeling is when you choose a different behavior you would like to model and see if the other person will mirror. Let’s use the same examples from above:
Child is yelling at you—you talk back softly—maybe she talks back softly.
Spouse gives you the silent treatment—you start to talk—maybe he begins to talk.
Neighbor frowns at you—you smile—maybe they smile back.
Hopefully you’re getting the idea of how this tool works. However, there’s something VERY important to remember so this tool doesn’t become a form of manipulation. If you look above, I emphasized the word, maybe. You can not decide how others will respond, and you can not make anyone respond in a certain way. But you can always decide how you want to respond and this is the whole point of the tool. You can behave in a way that you want—soft voice, communication and smiles—all choices that will create much better outcomes for you internally and maybe externally.
When considering your actions, STOP and ask yourself if you are mirroring undesirable behaviors that will lead to undesirable outcomes. If you are, decide what you want to model instead and lead out with those behaviors. So here’s something to LEARN & TRY! I’d love to hear how it goes.
PS- For those who don’t already receive my emails, I’d love to share more tools with you. This past summer I attended several different classes and workshops that have really helped me expand my “tool box”. It would be great to share some of my favorite takeaways with you! Click HERE and you’ll get next week’s tool.