Is comparison the thief of joy?
Comparison
Let’s see what the Oxford Dictionary says about it.
noun
a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.
Theodore Roosevelt once wrote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What do you think? Is it?
The other day my five year old son had ten pieces of candy and would not share any with his older brother. When I heard screaming I decided to step in!
Me: “How many candies do you have?”
Five year old: “Ten.”
Me: “How many candies does your brother have?”
His response: “Zero.”
Me: “What if it was the other way around? You had zero and he had ten.”
Thankfully, his young brain considered the situation, felt some compassion and ended up sharing. So maybe comparison isn’t all bad! Later this month, I’ll share more in my class about how comparison can be good. For now, let’s consider how it’s not always the best.
I believe comparison can be the thief of joy when you notice your differences from another, and then attach some negative thoughts about yourself. It often goes like this—you’re scrolling through social media, helping in the classroom or chatting with a friend, when you notice your differences and think, “Oh she’s so smart, organized, successful, creative AND …
I am not …
She is better than me …
I’m not good enough …
I don’t do enough …
I need to be better or different.”
See that? It’s the additional thoughts that cause trouble! When you believe them, it’s like sitting on a teeter-totter and falling straight to the ground. Remember doing that in grade school? Oh, it hurt! You elevate the other woman and put yourself way down in the process. You start to feel insecure, discouraged or jealous which causes you to either give up and stay down or push harder to be better. Be smarter, more organized, more successful, more creative—more, more, more! The problem is, you’ll likely find someone better and come crashing right back down. Up and down it will go. Maybe let’s get off the teeter-totter and try something different.
Since I’m using the playground analogy, I like to share a story about little Marinda. Three children were swinging at a park. Devon and Katherine were going really high when Devon said, “I’m keeping up with Katherine,” and Katherine looked across and said, “I’m keeping up with Devon,” because they were swinging right together. Little Marinda was in the middle barely moving and said, “I’m just keeping up with myself.”
I love visualizing little Marinda on that swing! Next time you start to add on one of those self-defeating thoughts, follow in Marinda’s footsteps and repeat, “I’m just keeping up with myself.” I don’t know that we will always stop comparing entirely. Our brains often do it automatically, but maybe pass on the teeter-totter part.
Watch for my upcoming class and I’ll share more thoughts about two other C’s that usually follow comparison—criticism & competition. We’ll also learn about another C to help us say NO to the teeter totter of negative comparison!
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