The 4 B’s of Goals

I want to share a theory! When it comes to goal setting and achieving, I think that we go in and out of these 4 B’s—beat up, burn out, blame, bailing. Let’s take a look and maybe you can identify with one or several of these B’s.

Beat Up

The reason we set a goal is to change or improve something in our life. Sometimes this unintentionally or intentionally sets up a situation where we base our personal worth around the goal itself. If we accomplish X (the goal) then we now have permission to be kind to ourselves. But what happens if we aren’t “perfect” at our goal—we eat that cake, end our streak, sleep in etc..

Take a moment and consider if you beat up on yourself mentally? Is this a tactic you use to motivate yourself to change? It’s definitely fuel for change but I’ve learned that kindness and encouragement are a much better option. Consider what you would say to a friend who is struggling with a goal. You would be kind and encouraging. I think our brain often tricks us into thinking that accountability will go out the window if we are too kind to ourselves but I’ve found the opposite with my clients and myself. Goal achievement does not equate to increased personal self-worth. You can be kind to yourself no matter what.

Burn Out

I feel like beat up and burn out often go hand in hand. Maybe you push and push yourself, mostly because you are afraid of how you might treat yourself mentally so you keep pushing to complete a goal. That becomes your “why” for the goal but ultimately it’s not sustainable. You burn out, give up and move on—until you write down the same goal next year! 

During college I remember thinking it would be so much better once I graduated. I just needed to keep pushing. My gaze was fixed on the finish line more than the journey. I graduated and realized that it was just another day. I had finished my goal thinking life would be better on the other side but it was much the same and I was exhausted. There is so much good in the journey and the arrival. We don’t need to burn ourselves out in the process just to reach a finish line.

Blame

This is an easy one! We say things like, “I’m too tired, busy, unhealthy, lazy etc.” We are quick to blame ourselves, other people or the circumstances in our life when it comes to unsuccessful goals. We don’t need to point fingers. If you’re experiencing difficulty with a goal, do a reality check. Assess your situation honestly. Watch for the blame game and see if you can determine the truth of why you aren’t following through. As mentioned above, you can be kind to yourself and accountable. 

Bail

Bailing is often a result of the three other B’s. If one or all three of those B’s show up we bail and honestly it makes perfect sense! It feels awful to be mean to ourselves, wear ourselves out and make excuses. Sometimes we are too black and white with our goals. We’re all in or we’re all out. It doesn’t need to be that way. 

At my son's school they had an assembly that talked about the “pit”. They encouraged the kids to get “in the pit” while learning. There will undoubtedly be ups and downs associated with a goal—expect that this is normal! It takes getting in and out of the “pit” repeatedly through a goal to reach what you want. Don’t bail. Keep learning, reworking and trying.

Do you create goals for yourself? I know a lot of people who don’t. They’ve decided to give up on the idea all together because beat up, burn out, blame and bailing are their norm. The good news is that these are learned habits that we can change! Your goal creation and achievement can look different this year as you watch for these old patterns and do something different. 

Are you hesitant to create goals because the 4 B’s are often part of your story? Schedule a free 30 minute session and we’ll sort it out together!