Emotional Tug-Of-War
Do we ever use these phrases with ourselves or our kids?
“That’s enough.”
“Stop crying.”
“Move on.”
“Time to get over this.”
I believe these thoughts start a game of tug-of-war in our heads. Deep down we’re hurting, frustrated or discouraged. One team pulls and shouts, “Listen, this is hard,” and pulls. Another team pulls back and shouts, “No it’s not. That’s enough!” And so it goes, back and forth in our heads. This is called resistance, and it just keeps us stuck and unaware of what’s really going on in our lives. Maybe we should put down the rope and consider the whole picture.
Awareness is the first step in addressing our negative thoughts and feelings.
When something feels hard, mentally slow down and ask, “What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Why?”
Next time we walk through the house and believe a tornado has passed through or keep having fights with an unnamed child—we can ask ourselves the 3 W’s and see what surfaces.
“What am I thinking?
What am I feeling?
Why?”
Let’s put down the rope and get curious about our thoughts and feelings. There’s no rush. Getting to happy right away isn’t the primary goal. It is figuring out the why. Try it out. Take a step back, and see what’s going on inside. When we truly accept what is, we can take off in ways we never imagined.
Much Love,
Stephanie
By the way, when a child is struggling, we can ask the 3 W’s. We can put on our listening ears, and hear about what’s going on inside.